Vile Beast of the Day: The Senator
Dearest Friends,Happy Wednesday! I wanted to take a moment to introduce you to another one of the vile beasts I must put up with every single day of my life. His name is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III...aka "The Senator". The Senator is probably the vilest of all the beasts in this house. If the woman had not taken him in I am certain he would've been dead a long time ago. Let's just say there's not a lot of brain cell activity going on...hence, his name. The woman said she had to give him a sophisticated title and name to hopefully prevent the others in the house from making fun of him.The Senator does a lot of "out-of-the-box" thinking...he does not like the sensation of litter on his paws so he just lets it rip wherever he is. The woman has had him checked many many times...there's nothing physically wrong...he just hates to confine his thinking to a box. So...to prevent my house from becoming a sewer, he now wears diapers. And, oddly enough...he LOVES them. If we can't confine his thinking to the litter box, we are confining it to his pants. You see, The Senator loves to wear clothes...in particular hats, shirts and, his beloved nappies. Here is the evidence:
Some other oddities about The Senator...he does not meow, he barks like a seal, he loves to be fed wet food by a syringe, he likes to lick the walls and he loves the smell of bleach. As you can tell, he's a perfect member of the Senate!As you might imagine, The Senator adds to my daily angst...he likes to follow me around. I think he may be a spy or something. I don't think he has any Russian contacts but I cannot be certain of this. He's always lurking behind me trying to sneak into my office to see the current work I've done on my book. I don't trust him...so I usually give him some very loud hisses and he runs like his pants are on fire...typical politician.Okay, I have focused enough on The Senator for the day. I hope you all have a fabulous Wednesday. I am going to go lock myself in my office and continue working on my book.Very truly yours,Bob the Writer