The Woman Must Learn To Control Herself

Dearest friends on the internet,
Happy Friday Eve!!! We are on the home front, my friends! All is well here.

I must be honest...I’m worn out. I tried so hard to work on my book today but every five minutes the woman would come into my office to kiss me, squeeze me, or pick me up for a quick dance. It was non-stop. I don’t think people understand how taxing it is to be loved so much. Please know I’m not complaining...it’s a great problem to have...but the woman needs to learn to control herself. I need to get my book done!

I witnessed something last night that I simply could not believe. Miss Elsie Fallulah will be 17 years old next week. You would think she would conduct herself like the mature and sophisticated woman that she is. She has kidney disease and gets fluids a few times a week. Miss Elsie loves to get fluids. She purrs and drools the entire time. Well, after she got fluids yesterday a switch flipped in her brain. She thought she was a kitten. She went tearing through the house screaming at the top of her lungs “My birthday is next week!!! I’m a sassy broad!”...I was speechless. I’ve never seen Miss Elsie conduct herself in such a vile manner. I’m starting to wonder if the woman slipped her some recreational nip. I’m going to keep my eye on her...I’m not going to do anything about it if she continues this vile behavior because she freaks me out. I try to keep my distance and give her wide berth. But, I’m still going to watch her just to make sure she’s not totally losing it.

I’m going to retire to my office to meditate and then hopefully go to sleep early tonight. Now you know what I’m about to say...please go wash your hands, wear a mask when you leave your home, and for Pete’s sake stay at least 6’ away from other humans. Humans are vile and covered in cooties.

Very truly yours,
Bob