The Pink Sweater Incident

Dearest friends on the internet,
Hallelujah! It is now officially the weekend! I have never been so happy to see a week end in my life!

I am sad to report there was an incident in my house today. I’m even sadder to report the incident involved me. I was very busy working on my book in my new satellite office...aka the master bathroom. I was hard at work this morning and minding my own business when the woman came in and hung her most favorite sweater on a hanger. She went downstairs and I went back to napping...I mean, working on my book. Suddenly I heard “Hey you...get me down off this dang hanger. My shoulders are going to get all stretched out. Please help me!” I think everyone knows that I am a gentleman and will always help a lady in distress. The sweater is pink so I figured it was a girl. So, I proceeded to stand on my hind legs and stretch as much as I could to reach the sweater. After much grunting and exertion I finally got my paw on her sleeve! Success! When I went to pull Miss Pink Sweater down, my claw got stuck in the fabric. I began to panic because there I was, on my hind legs, stretched as tall as I could make my legs go with my left front paw stuck in the sweater. I struggled and grunted very loudly...so loudly that the woman came running. To my embarrassment, she had to help me retract my claw. And, believe it or not, she was mad at ME! She fussed at me for “trying to pull her sweater off the hanger”...can you believe that? I tried to explain that the sweater asked me for help. I was just being a gentleman. She just rolled her eyes, told me “don’t be silly, Bob, sweaters can’t speak”, and told me to leave the sweater alone.

First of all, dear woman, who hangs a sweater on a hanger? You’re supposed to fold them and put them away. Secondly, I was trying to help the sweater out. And, finally...sweaters may not be able to speak but who’s the crazy person carrying on a conversation with a cat?

I’m still aggravated with the woman and the sweater. I surely hope your day was better than mine. I’m still terribly worried about this vile virus. It’s deadly, folks. This isn’t a game. Please wear a mask when you leave your home. It’s the right thing to do. People like the woman’s 94 year old dad are depending on you to do the right and decent thing. And please wash your hands and stay 6’ away from others. Please, I’m begging you.

Now, please go wash your hands and fold all of your sweaters and put them in drawers. And for Pete’s sake, listen to your sweaters when they speak to you.

Very truly yours,
Bob